she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
