Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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