I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
