I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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