her facebook's as public as her vagina
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
