I smell stomach acid.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
