I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
