Kiss
Puke
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
