I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
