I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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