I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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