oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
