don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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