He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
