do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
