am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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