I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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