She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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