Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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