What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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