hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
