Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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