This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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