I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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