Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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