Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
