mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
