Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
