Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
