I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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