Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
