Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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