It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
