Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
