shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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