highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
