I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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