i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
