If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
