idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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