respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
