I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
