I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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