Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
