That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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