I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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