in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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