dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
