when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
