I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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