She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
