ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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