She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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