fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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