Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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