take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
