yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
