Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
