I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there was a trapeze. enough said
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize