My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
